Reframing How We Approach Presenting Issues in the Age of Functionality

Written by Cheryl Garodnick LPC, LCADC, ACS, CCS, February 2025

If we want different outcomes, such as to see a child functioning a certain way in major life areas (home and school), being open to learning and applying alternative methods is key.  Here are some options...

Alternative Perspectives & Frameworks

1. Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) by Dr. Ross Greene

   • Book: The Explosive Child

   • Website: Lives in the Balance

   • Focuses on lagging skills and unsolved problems rather than labeling behavior as defiance.

2. Positive Discipline (Dr. Jane Nelsen)

   • Book: Positive Discipline

   • Website: Positive Discipline

   • Encourages connection, mutual respect, and problem-solving rather than punishment.

3. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

   • Evidence-based therapy that improves parent-child relationships and reduces behavior issues through structured coaching.

4. Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI)

   • Designed for children from hard places but useful for all kids with challenging behaviors.

   • Website: TBRI Overview

5. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg

   • Teaches compassionate communication and emotional regulation.

Practical Strategies for Addressing Defiant Behavior

• Emotion Coaching (Dr. John Gottman): Helps children understand and regulate their emotions.

• Behavior as Communication: Recognizing that defiance is often a symptom of unmet needs, anxiety, or lagging executive function skills.

• Consistent Boundaries with Empathy: Setting firm yet compassionate expectations.

• Strength-Based Approach: Focusing on the child's strengths rather than deficits.

Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  Parents are at a loss these days and if our society agrees that old methods of parenting are no longer effective (and even defined as abusive), then it is our obligation as professionals to provide alternatives.  Taking something away from humans and not replacing it with something else, is a set up for failure.