My child came out as LGBTQ; now what?
Written by Sara Serkez MA, LAC, June 2023
Your child just came out as LGBTQ, and you’re not sure what to do next. If your child just shared this news with you, it may be a confusing and overwhelming time. You may have mixed emotions and questions about how to best support your child. First things first; take a deep breath! The good news is, there really are only two basic requirements to the whole parenting thing. Rule number one: love your child. Rule number two: protect your child. It’s that simple! If you can do those things, unconditionally, you are winning! Of course, there are a million ways to express love, and a million more things to keep your child safe from, but all of the advice and tips you’ll receive will stem down to you taking care of your child by loving and protecting them, which has been your job since you became their parent, so you’re probably a master at that by now. Here are some tips on how to help your child feel loved, accepted, and protected in this new phase of their life.
1. Take time to process your own emotions
It is normal to have a range of emotions when your child comes out, including confusion, shock, disappointment, and even grief. It’s important to take the time you need to process these emotions so that you can best support your child. Remember, while your child may be coming out now, this is something they have probably been feeling and dealing with for a long time. Seeking support for yourself can help you take care of your emotional well-being. Look for parent support groups or organizations, or consider working with a therapist to help you cope with your feelings.
2. Listen and validate your child’s feelings
One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to listen to your child. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with you without judgment or interrupting them.
Let your child know that you are there for them and that you love them no matter what. Take the time to listen to their feelings, fears, and struggles. Your child may have struggled with their identity for a long time before coming out to you. It’s important to listen to their story, validate their feelings, and show understanding. Your child may be afraid of rejection, so it’s important to reassure them that you love and accept who they are. Listen to their needs and try to understand their perspective, even if you don't fully agree.
3. Educate yourself about LGBTQ issues
Learn as much as you can about the LGBTQ community to understand what your child may be going through. Educate yourself about the different sexual orientations and gender identities that exist, their definitions, and how they differ from one another. Familiarize yourself with the social, legal, and medical issues that LGBTQ individuals often face, as well as the rights and protections that are available to them. Learning about LGBTQ issues and terminology can help you be a better support to your child. There are many great resources available online and in books about how to best support your child as they navigate their sexuality and gender identity.
4. Advocate for your child
Being an ally for your child means actively advocating for them. Use your voice and support to raise awareness and change attitudes. Speak out against discrimination, bullying, and injustice, and become an advocate for your child's rights in school, healthcare, and other domains.
You can do this by speaking out against hate speech or bullying, educating others about why it’s important to respect people’s identities, or supporting LGBT organizations that fight for equality. Your child may face discrimination or prejudice, and it’s important to be their advocate. This can include talking to teachers, school administrators, or other parents to ensure that your child is treated with respect and dignity. You may also want to connect with LGBTQ organizations in your community for support and resources.
5. Create a safe and accepting environment
It’s important to create an environment where your child feels safe and accepted. You can do this by using their preferred name and pronouns, respecting their privacy, and communicating openly. You can also offer support by finding LGBT-friendly healthcare providers, therapists, or other professionals that can offer support and guidance. If your child is struggling with their sexuality or gender identity, seek professional support. A therapist or psychologist who specializes in LGBTQ issues can help your child work through their feelings and develop coping strategies for dealing with discrimination or other challenges.
Remember, your child’s coming out is not a reflection of your parenting or a rejection of your values. It’s an important part of their identity, and they need your support and love now more than ever. By listening, educating yourself, and being an advocate for your child, you can help them navigate this new chapter in their lives with love, support, and understanding. Together, you can develop a strong bond built on trust and acceptance that will help your child become fully embraced as their authentic selves.
